Money and mental health are like two sides of the same coin. They're intricately connected, and problems on one side can easily spill over to the other. It's no surprise then, that financial stress reigns supreme as one of the top stressors in the U.S., impacting a whopping 72% of Americans.

Why is money so emotionally charged? Unlike other stressors, finances are deeply personal. They're tied to our sense of security, self-worth, and even our future. But talking about money can be taboo, leaving us feeling isolated and ashamed when things get tough.

The consequences of financial stress on mental health are stark. Studies reveal a disturbing link between debt and mental health issues. Nearly half (46%) of people with debt have a co-existing mental health diagnosis.

Let's break down the vicious cycle:

When people think of domestic abuse, more often than not the first things that come to mind are physical and emotional violence. However, abuse can reach further and affect another aspect of victims’ lives: their financial security. Research found that financial abuse occurs in 99% of domestic violence cases (Adams, 2011). Financial abuse tends to be overlooked, but it is a very serious form of domestic violence.

Financial abuse includes behaviors that intend to manipulate and intimidate a partner into staying in a relationship and is a very powerful form of domestic violence. Some examples of financial abuse include forbidding a partner from working, sabotaging employment opportunities, controlling how money is spent, excluding a partner from banking decisions, stealing a partner’s identity, forcing a partner to forge checks, and overspending on joint accounts. There are many other forms of financial abuse, but at the end of the day it revolves around controlling the power of money over your partner.

Financial abuse has a serious impact on victims’ mental health. Their feeling of security and daily survival are ultimately in their abuser’s hands. Fears of homelessness and poverty are very real and can seriously affect victims’ mental wellbeing.

If you think someone you know is a victim of domestic violence, pay attention to the way they talk about their financial decisions. Unequal decision making is a red flag when it comes to financial relationships between partners. You can ask your friends and family if they feel safe and secure or if they feel like an equal in their relationship’s financial decisions.

If they (or you) are in a financially abusive relationship, we’ve included some suggestions to better protect their safety. They should change passwords and enable 2 factor, open new bank accounts and send the mail to another address, look into IRS programs like Innocent Spouse Relief, Injured Spouse Relief, Separation of Liability Relief and Equitable Relief, join a support group (Meetup, DivorceCare), and make copies of important documents and leave them at another safe location. It is also important to create a plan in case a victim needs to leave immediately. Think of safe places to go and trusted individuals who can be called to rely on for support.

Remember, financial abuse is real and has devastating effects on the victim. If you or someone you know needs immediate help, call the National Domestic Violence Hotline, 800-799-7233.

Other resources:

https://cfs.wisc.edu/wp-content/uploads/2015/04/adams2011.pdf

https://rethinking65.com/2024/05/20/domestic-financial-abuse-is-domestic-violence/

https://nnedv.org/content/about-financial-abuse/

Navigating Financial Disagreements in Couples
Strategies for Harmony and Understanding

Written by Cheryl Phillips

Personal finance. Budgeting. Savings. Expenses. For many people, these words and the concepts behind them trigger visceral, emotional reactions. Often, these reactions are explained away with “If I had more money, I wouldn’t feel so anxious about financial matters”. While increased income may ease some financial burdens, there is usually greater work to be done than just finding ways to make extra cash.

The good news: you can change your relationship with money. It doesn’t have to be a “necessary evil” in life. Paying bills doesn’t have to be a dreadful box to check off your to-do list. Improving your relationship with money is something that is often never given a second, or even a first, thought. However, learning the why behind our money decisions can be both empowering and helpful for cultivating a purposeful philosophy and strategy around finance.

Take a pause.
Take a breath.

Often, the act of speaking out loud about money is treated as a taboo, an unacceptable topic of discussion. Learning to be open and honest about your thoughts, worries, and celebrations around money opens the door to altering how we treat financial topics. 

Part of the work to be done around healing your relationship with money begins by defining wealth on an individual level. While there seems to be a stereotypical vision of what wealth looks like, when you sit back and deeply consider what it means to you to be “wealthy”, you might be surprised by what you find. For some people, wealth and success are defined by a large house and a nice car. For others, it means being able to support and spend quality time with family. For others still, a life of wealth is one that brings peace, comfort, and deep connection. Learning to set goals that actually reflect your desires is a huge step in re-creating your money relationship.

It’s also important to recognize that each of us have both hard-wired and learned behaviors. This is true in all aspects of life, and that includes money matters. When we are feeling emotionally heightened, as many of us are prone to when discussing finances, our hard-wired behaviors have a tendency to take over. When this happens, our brains enter auto-pilot mode, and our decision-making process is skewed. We act in ways that feel like self-preservation in the moment, often avoiding the issue, becoming angry or defensive towards it, or minimizing the impact of it. However, in order to make decisions that promote longevity and practicality in financial decision making, it’s important to learn to recognize those hard-wired reactions and learned behaviors from childhood and take conscious steps to act in accordance with your goals and values.

Taking steps towards transparency around money, to define your goals, and to recognize your learned and hard-wired behaviors are all vital to improving your money relationship. Simply cultivating a loving awareness of your habits can be eye opening and inspire real change. If you are seeking a refreshing and new understanding of managing your financial life, start here.