At the start of a year, it’s natural to think about what we want to change. Maybe we want to feel calmer, more connected, less reactive, or simply more like ourselves again. That’s where goal setting often comes in. But for many of us, goals can start to feel like pressure instead of support.

Incorporating mindfulness allows us to move forward in a gentle and intentional way.

Rather than asking, “What should I be doing differently?”, mindfulness encourages us to first ask, “What’s actually happening right now?” With these two questions, goals become less about fixing ourselves and more about caring for ourselves.

Mindfulness: Starting Where You Are

Mindfulness isn’t about clearing your mind or being calm all the time. It’s about noticing your thoughts, emotions, body sensations, and patterns without judgment.

This awareness matters because goals set without self-awareness often come from comparison, guilt, or exhaustion. Goals rooted in mindfulness tend to come from clarity and compassion.

Reframing Goals as Intentions

Traditional goal setting can be very focused on the end: do more, fix this, achieve that. A mindful approach shifts the focus to how we want to relate to ourselves along the way.

Instead of:
  “I need to stop being so anxious.”

Consider:
  “I want to build skills that help me respond to anxiety with more patience.”

These kinds of goals leave room for being human. They allow progress without perfection.

Small, Present-Moment Goals Count

Mindful goal setting values small, doable steps. Examples might include:

These goals meet you exactly where you are.

Moving Forward, Gently

When mindfulness and goal setting work together, growth becomes less about pushing and more about listening. Less about “becoming better,” and more about becoming more present, more intentional, and more kind with yourself.

You don’t have to do it all. You don’t have to do it perfectly. You just have to notice and move intentionally from there.

If you’re interested in learning more about mindfulness, goal setting, and the relationship between the two, reach out to us at The Purpose Center!  Email kaytie@kkjpsych.com.

References
Hayes, S. C., Strosahl, K. D., & Wilson, K. G. (2012). Acceptance and Commitment Therapy: The process and practice of mindful change (2nd ed.). New York, NY: Guilford Press.

Locke, E. A., & Latham, G. P. (2002). Building a practically useful theory of goal setting and task motivation. American Psychologist, 57(9), 705–717.

Segal, Z. V., Williams, J. M. G., & Teasdale, J. D. (2013). Mindfulness-based cognitive therapy for depression (2nd ed.). New York, NY: Guilford Press

It’s heartbreaking and stressful when your child resists going to school. Maybe they dread mornings, say they feel sick, or seem engulfed by worry. You want to help - but often feel stuck, frustrated, maybe even helpless. You are not alone. There’s a team of people who are ready and willing to support you and your family!

School refusal is more common than people think, and there are multiple ways forward.

What Is School Refusal & Why It Happens

School refusal (or school avoidance) isn’t simply “being stubborn” or “acting out.” According to the American Academy of Family Physicians, often it’s driven by underlying anxiety, fears (social, separation, bullying), sensory overload, learning difficulties, or other emotional or physical discomforts. It can be difficult to pinpoint the exact cause, but what is easy to see is the impact it has on your child, and the strain it can cause in your home.

So, what can I do?

1. Listen to understand. Talk to your child coming from a place of curiosity rather than accusation. Be mindful of inadvertently invalidating their experience by saying things like, “You don’t have anything to be worried about” “You’ve always loved going to school” “You don’t have anything to complain about.” Don’t assume you know the answer or try to fill in the blanks on your own- give them space to share their experience without feeling ashamed. Try asking, “What feels hardest about school right now?” “How do you feel when you’re going to bed the night before school?” “What thoughts are you having while you’re at school?”

2. Create clear expectations and consistency. Kids crave predictability and stability because that equals safety and decreases the likelihood of anxiety. Sometimes parents- in an effort to accommodate- say “Would you like to go to school today?” presenting it as an option. This leads to a power struggle because the child feels they have a choice. Rather saying, “I understand school feels difficult for you right now, and we are going to work together to get you to school today.” You can be both compassionate and assertive.

3. Seek support from mental health professionals, your pediatrician, and- most importantly- the school! There are so many people who can help you and your family during this time, so you don’t have to try and navigate this on your own. Reach out to us at The Purpose Center if you’re struggling with school refusal in your home- we’re here to help!

4. Show yourself some grace! You are NOT failing by asking for support.

Recognizing that parenting is hard is a sign of self-awareness, not failure. Parents who practice self-compassion, realistic expectations, and seek support are more resilient and better able to nurture both themselves and their children (Mikolajczak et al., 2019; Neff & Faso, 2015).

Interested in some extra support? Contact kaytie@kkjpsych.com.

References:
School Refusal in Children and Adolescents | AAFP

4 Strategies When Your Child Refuses to Go to School | Anxiety and Depression Association of America, ADAA

Water has a unique way of soothing both the body and the mind. Whether it’s the rhythmic sound of waves crashing on the shore, the weightlessness experienced while swimming, or simply the cool touch of water on skin, spending time in or near water has long been linked with numerous mental health benefits. In recent years, research has shown that immersion in water and aquatic activities can have profound effects on mental well-being, helping to reduce stress, improve mood, and even enhance cognitive function. In this blog post, we’ll explore the mental health benefits of being in water, backed by scientific research and expert insights.

1. Stress Reduction and Relaxation
One of the most immediate and noticeable effects of being in or near water is a reduction in stress levels. A 2018 study published in Frontiers in Psychology highlighted that water-based activities, such as swimming, can help to reduce cortisol levels, the hormone primarily responsible for stress. The calming properties of water—whether from the sound, the temperature, or the feeling of weightlessness—can trigger the body's parasympathetic nervous system, leading to a state of relaxation.

Water-based environments, particularly oceans and lakes, also have a soothing, rhythmic quality. Studies have found that the sound of water, such as waves or flowing streams, can promote relaxation by synchronizing with the brain’s natural frequency, effectively slowing down brain activity and reducing anxiety. Using a sound machine or YouTube video to listen to water sounds allows for relaxation without the need to physically be beside the water!

2. Improved Mood and Mental Clarity
Spending time in water, especially in natural settings, can also improve mood and foster mental clarity. A study conducted by the University of Exeter in 2018 found that people who regularly spend time in blue spaces - such as lakes, rivers, and oceans—report higher levels of well-being and lower levels of mental distress. Participants in the study noted that being near or in water boosted their mood and helped them feel more mentally refreshed.

Additionally, aquatic exercises, such as swimming or water aerobics, release endorphins- the chemicals in the brain that help to improve mood and promote feelings of happiness. This is why many people report feeling more relaxed and positive after a swim or a dip in the ocean.

3. Mindfulness and Connection with Nature
Water has a unique way of bringing people into the present moment. Whether you’re floating on a calm lake or swimming in the ocean, the rhythmic movements of the water can help anchor your attention, making it easier to focus on the here and now. This state of mindfulness—being fully immersed in the moment—can help to calm racing thoughts and reduce symptoms of anxiety and depression.

A 2013 study published in Health & Place found that people who spend time in natural environments, including aquatic spaces, report feeling more connected to nature. This connection can foster a sense of peace, belonging, and groundedness, which is especially beneficial for those experiencing mental health challenges. In fact, immersing oneself in nature has been shown to lower symptoms of anxiety, depression, and stress.

Water, whether in the form of oceans, lakes, rivers, or even a swimming pool, offers numerous mental health benefits. From stress reduction to improved mood and mental clarity, spending time in or near water provides a natural remedy for mental health concerns. Its ability to promote relaxation, mindfulness, and emotional well-being makes it an accessible and effective tool for enhancing mental health.

So, the next time you have the opportunity to dip your toes in a calm lake, take a swim in the ocean, or even enjoy a shower, remember that the healing powers of water go beyond the physical. It’s a natural antidote to the stresses and challenges of modern life!

References:
1. de Oliveira, J. M., & Oliveira, M. S. (2018). The effects of water immersion on stress and mood: A systematic review. Frontiers in Psychology.
https://doi.org/10.3389/fpsyg.2018.02734

2. White, M. P., et al. (2018). Spending time in aquatic environments and mental well-being: A review of research. University of Exeter.
https://doi.org/10.1016/j.jpsychores.2018.10.001

3. Moffat, S. D., et al. (2013). The benefits of interacting with aquatic environments for psychological health. Health & Place, 19(1), 11–19.
https://doi.org/10.1016/j.healthplace.2012.10.008

April is here! The weather is finally warming up and now the sun shines a little longer for us after Daylight Savings. Today we’re going to bring you five activities to try out this spring season for your mental health.

Tulip Picking (just not from your neighbor’s garden!)

Tulips are an early spring flower, having their peak picking season at the end of March and in early April. Try looking for a location near you and make a day of the occasion. Picking tulips can help you appreciate the small moments in life and slow down. Now for a tip, when there’s a tulip you like, reach down as close to the soil as possible, grab the stem, and pull straight up. Picking flowers can also give people a mental boost! Fun and creative tasks engage the mind and can let your creativity flow while you determine which flowers you’ll take home with you.

Journaling

Slowing down and finding some time in your days to reflect can help release tensions and let you focus more on the important things in your life. Take some time when you can journal and pour back into yourself. For some prompts this spring season consider these:

Walks/Hiking

You tend to think more rationally when you are out in nature. Exercising increases endorphins which helps reduce stress hormones. It requires you to slow down which can help you reconnect with yourself. A 2015 Stanford Study found that time in nature reduces your tendency towards negative thought patterns. The journal “Environmental Science and Technology” published results stating that outdoor exercise has a direct correlation to greater feelings of positivity and energy and fewer feelings of anger and sadness.

Reading (ideally outdoors)

Reading can relax your body by lowering your heart rate. The University of Sussex found that reading can reduce stress by up to 68%. If you read outdoors, you will also be exposed to sunlight and nature which reduces cortisol and increases serotonin levels. Grab a beloved book or a new one you’ve been meaning to read off your shelf and spend some time reading. Whether it’s a cookbook, a self-help book, or a thriller, reading can help take your mind away from life’s stressors.

Spring Cleaning

Reducing the sense of clutter can help feel like a new beginning! It can also make your environment feel more organized and relaxing, as opposed to disorganized and overwhelming. It allows you to regain a sense of control and feel accomplished. Start small and make your way up to bigger tasks. I know I like to start with my closet and start packing away my big winter coats! No matter which activity you prefer to engage in this spring, we hope you slow down and appreciate the small moments.

Sources:
https://newsroom.clevelandclinic.org/2024/03/18/spring-cleaning-for-your-mental-health
https://namica.org/blog/why-reading-is-good-for-mental-health/
https://www.wta.org/go-outside/new-to-hiking/mind-body-what-hiking-does-for-your-mental-and-physical-health

Spring has officially sprung and while the North Carolina weather can make us feel like we’re playing peekaboo with the sun, there is an excitement in the air around consistent days of cloudless skies and warm weather and gentle breezes. Similar to animals coming out of hibernation, many humans liken the transition from Winter to Spring as a reawakening of sorts. Our bodies crave sunlight, fresh air, and yes…GRASS!

A 2024 study conducted by Journal of Health, Population and Nutrition reported “over 50% of the world’s population lives in cities” and the number is only increasing. Research indicates those who live in cities are more likely to “overreact to stress” and self-report higher levels of technology related stress due to cellphone, computer, and social media use. The study results highlighted a correlation between exposure to nature and increased creativity and focus. Additionally, individuals who physically touched grass and spent time near natural landscape reported higher levels of relaxation, lower stress, and “heightened levels of contentment.” If you’re unable to get outside, the study indicated that even having a plant in your space can make a difference in improving stress levels and sense of relaxation.

What does this mean for us? It means we need to get outside! One of my favorite ways to end therapy sessions during Spring and Summer is saying, “Make sure you go outside. Even if it’s just for a few minutes. Put your feet in the grass, lift your face to the sun, and take some deep intentional breaths.” It’s simple advice, but such an easy way to reset, reconnect, and ground oneself. We spend so much time hunched over our computers, in offices, from sunup to sundown. Taking just a few minutes for yourself to relax is such an underrated way to pour into yourself. There’s an undeniable connection between mental health and stress levels, and it’s so easy to push self-care to the side as something get to later. Perhaps understanding the benefits of something as simple as putting our toes in the grass can inspire us to be more intentional about taking just a few minutes to care for ourselves, so we can show up as the best version of ourselves.

If you’re interested in spending more intentional time outside, using apps like AllTrails is an excellent way to find local walking greenways and hiking trails of all levels. In RDU, we are super lucky to have access to beautiful outdoor spaces like Dorothea Dix Park, Duke Gardens, and Downtown Cary Park.

But what do we do when these “pleasantries” become the norm in our household? How can we re-stimulate conversation so we can have intentional interactions with our children? The answer is simple- we must dig deeper. As a therapist, one of my favorite questions is “What does that mean?” The reason I like this question so much is because it forces people to think past pleasantries and consider what “good” means to them. If you really think about it, “good” looks different to everyone. For some people, “good” can mean, “I’m two seconds away from a breakdown.” For others, it can mean, “I managed to avoid the person who bullies me today.” It can mean, “I had an incredible day and have amazing news.” And sometimes, it can literally just mean, “I had a good day today.” You’ll be surprised how much more children will share when they are given a genuine invitation.

The most important role you as the parent or caregiver can play in this exchange is that of the listener. If you open the door for your child to go past “good,” then you need to be able to hold space for them as they answer. Give them your undivided attention and ask follow up questions. Put down your phone, step away from the computer, and show them you’re interested in what they have to share. Respect any boundaries they put in place in terms of how much they would like to share with you. Offer minimal encouragers by nodding and maintaining comfortable eye contact. Lastly, remember the things they say so you can check in and ask for updates later.

Most of this may seem like a no-brainer; however, it is so easy to get caught up in our day-to-day life that we forget the importance of simple, engaging conversation.

If you’d like more support around getting past “good” in a way that feels authentic to you, don’t hesitate to connect with us at The Purpose Center! We’re here to help! You can reach me at mackenzie@kkjpsych.com.

As I started my career as a counselor, I always knew that speaking Spanish would set me apart as a provider. I knew that people needed access to Spanish-speaking mental health professionals and that I would be able to help bridge a gap. However, as I have gotten further in my career, I have come to realize that it’s not a gap, it’s a gaping hole. The differences in access are significant. According to the National Alliance of Mental Illness, more than half of Hispanic young adults between 18 and 25 years old “with serious mental illness may not receive treatment.” There are numerous reasons why access to mental health services is harder for Spanish-speaking individuals, but the language barrier is a major contributor to the disparity.
 
An article from the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill states that as of 2019 there are over one million Hispanic/Latinx people in North Carolina alone. Of that one million, 116,000 live in Wake County. This begs the question: Why do these barriers continue to exist and what can we do to increase access for our Latinx folks? One of the best ways to educate ourselves on resources in our community and amplify those organizations.

Here are a few that I encourage you to check out and share with friends:

For many providers, there are services that exist where information can be translated by a third party in real time. This is a great resource, increases accessibility, and allows the client to be fully involved in their care. Additionally, there are apps and programs that can help English-speakers develop conversational Spanish skills like Duolingo, Rosetta Stone, Babbel, StudySpanish.com and YouTube. Taking the time to increase your conversation skills goes a long way towards helping Spanish-speaking clients feel seen and appreciated. I have learned in my own Spanish-speaking journey that willingness to learn means a great deal. No one is asking for perfection- just effort. Perhaps you will use these resources to challenge yourself to learn something new and immerse yourself in a new culture!

If you have any questions or know someone who could benefit from support in Spanish, please reach out to me at mackenzie@kkjpsych.com.

It goes without saying that the end of the 2019-2020 school year and the entirety of the 2020-2021 school year were BEASTS- and that is putting it lightly. From dealing with being abruptly placed in lockdowns to adjusting to wearing masks to the heightened anxiety of being sick, we have all been through it!

As adults, we have a greater understanding of living in a pandemic, the progress we have made, and how much farther we have to go. Kids- especially those in elementary school- have struggled to make sense of the changes that have occurred over the past year and half and understandably have concerns about what the upcoming school year will look like.

This post will provide adults with practical tools to help kids work through their anxiety and feel as prepared as possible as they go back to school in the Fall.
 
Prior to joining KKJ Forensic and Psychological Services, I worked as a School Counselor for five and half years, so much of this information is based on my professional experience.

Throughout the 2020-2021 school year, the number of students that self-reported increased anxiety was much higher than previous years. The anxiety came from many different things, but the top three reasons were (1) feeling disconnected from friends (2) concern for themselves/family/friends contracting COVID-19 and (3) feeling unprepared academically.

1) Feeling Disconnected From Friends
Whether your child attended school virtually or in person, maintaining peer relationships was extremely difficult this year. Most children did not have the ability to meet up with their friends outside of school regularly due to the pandemic. When children could be together at school, there were limits placed on their interactions. They had to maintain social distance, wear masks, and (for some schools) were not allowed to share play equipment/toys. Those children who remained remote for the school year only interacted with peers during virtual class which limited opportunities for nonacademic conversation. Although all these restrictions were put in place for our safety, they still had negative repercussions for kids socially.
 
While there’s hope that these restrictions will be relaxed, it’s a good idea to let kids know that things will probably still look a little different this year. Be on the lookout for information from your district/school regarding COVID-19 protocols and discuss it with your kids. Remind them that these rules are put in place to ensure that everyone is safe. Invite your kids to ask questions and include them in the preparation- just as you would school supply shopping.

2) Concern for themselves/friends/family contracting COVID-19
Validation goes a long way with kids. Too often, children are told by adults- both explicitly and implicitly- that what they are feeling is not real or important. All the time, but especially at a time like this, it is vital that we recognize their feelings and process their concerns. Honesty is always necessary. It would be disingenuous for us to tell kids that they will never have to worry about their loved ones (or themselves) getting COVID-19. Consider letting children know that yes, COVID-19 is real and yes, it is possible for anyone to get sick at any time. As with any illness, there are things that we can do to keep ourselves healthy and try to protect ourselves. Invite them to develop a list of actions we can take to stop the spread of COVID-19 (i.e., washing our hands, wearing facemasks, covering our coughs and sneezes, staying home when we feel sick, etc.)

Explain that although life looks different now, we do not have to stop living. We can continue to have fun and make memories in a safe and responsible way.

3) Feeling Unprepared Academically
While there were many students who did not suffer much academically this year, there were just as many- if not more- who experienced a decline in academic performance this year. Students expressed anxiety around whether or not they would pass the school year and how they will perform in the next grade. It is typical for students, especially those in middle and high school, to feel anxious about their grades. For the 2020-21 school year, students were asked to come to school -in person or remotely- in the midst of a collective trauma and under the veil of uncertainty.

Kids have a lot of feelings to process around this and the best way we can provide support for them is to listen, validate, and empower. We do this by holding space for them to share their concerns without judgement. It can be an automatic response to want to tell our kids that they should not feel the way they do. We don’t mean this in a dismissive way, rather we are often trying to make them feel better and let them know that we believe in them. We can convey that message with more clarity by validating their feelings. It can also be helpful to connect with your child’s teacher(s) and school counselor to give them a heads up around your child’s anxiety. If school staff, especially the school counselor, knows about your concerns ahead of time, they can be proactive in supporting and advocating for your child.

Recognizing that everyone has different opinions around the COVID-19 Pandemic, I encourage readers to take what they need from this article and leave the rest. Navigating a pandemic is a new experience for all of us, and it can be even more difficult with children. At the end of the day, all we can do is the best we can do for ourselves, our families, and the world around us. This will look different for everyone and that is okay. Find what works for you!

If you feel that you or your child(ren) needs additional support, please don’t hesitate to reach out to any of the therapists at KKJ. We are here to help! You can reach me at mackenzie@kkjpsych.com.