It’s heartbreaking and stressful when your child resists going to school. Maybe they dread mornings, say they feel sick, or seem engulfed by worry. You want to help - but often feel stuck, frustrated, maybe even helpless. You are not alone. There’s a team of people who are ready and willing to support you and your family!

School refusal is more common than people think, and there are multiple ways forward.

What Is School Refusal & Why It Happens

School refusal (or school avoidance) isn’t simply “being stubborn” or “acting out.” According to the American Academy of Family Physicians, often it’s driven by underlying anxiety, fears (social, separation, bullying), sensory overload, learning difficulties, or other emotional or physical discomforts. It can be difficult to pinpoint the exact cause, but what is easy to see is the impact it has on your child, and the strain it can cause in your home.

So, what can I do?

1. Listen to understand. Talk to your child coming from a place of curiosity rather than accusation. Be mindful of inadvertently invalidating their experience by saying things like, “You don’t have anything to be worried about” “You’ve always loved going to school” “You don’t have anything to complain about.” Don’t assume you know the answer or try to fill in the blanks on your own- give them space to share their experience without feeling ashamed. Try asking, “What feels hardest about school right now?” “How do you feel when you’re going to bed the night before school?” “What thoughts are you having while you’re at school?”

2. Create clear expectations and consistency. Kids crave predictability and stability because that equals safety and decreases the likelihood of anxiety. Sometimes parents- in an effort to accommodate- say “Would you like to go to school today?” presenting it as an option. This leads to a power struggle because the child feels they have a choice. Rather saying, “I understand school feels difficult for you right now, and we are going to work together to get you to school today.” You can be both compassionate and assertive.

3. Seek support from mental health professionals, your pediatrician, and- most importantly- the school! There are so many people who can help you and your family during this time, so you don’t have to try and navigate this on your own. Reach out to us at The Purpose Center if you’re struggling with school refusal in your home- we’re here to help!

4. Show yourself some grace! You are NOT failing by asking for support.

Recognizing that parenting is hard is a sign of self-awareness, not failure. Parents who practice self-compassion, realistic expectations, and seek support are more resilient and better able to nurture both themselves and their children (Mikolajczak et al., 2019; Neff & Faso, 2015).

Interested in some extra support? Contact kaytie@kkjpsych.com.

References:
School Refusal in Children and Adolescents | AAFP

4 Strategies When Your Child Refuses to Go to School | Anxiety and Depression Association of America, ADAA

Parenting is one of life’s most rewarding experiences—but it’s also one of the hardest. Many parents feel overwhelmed by the emotional, physical, and social demands of raising children. Understanding why parenting is challenging can normalize these struggles and provide strategies to make the journey more manageable (Nomaguchi & Milkie, 2020).

Why Parenting Feels So Hard

1. Constant Responsibility

2. Emotional Intensity

3. Lack of Clear Guidance

4. Identity Shifts

5. Relationship Strains

6. External Pressures and Social Comparisons

7. Limited Support Systems

How to Build Resilience and Hope

Well, that was depressing! Parenting is demanding, but research-backed strategies can help reduce stress and increase coping:

Finding Compassion and Support

Recognizing that parenting is hard is a sign of self-awareness, not failure. Parents who practice self-compassion, realistic expectations, and seek support are more resilient and better able to nurture both themselves and their children (Mikolajczak et al., 2019; Neff & Faso, 2015).

Need some help? Contact kaytie@kkjpsych.com.

References:
Coyne, S. M., Padilla-Walker, L. M., & Howard, E. (2017). Emerging in a digital world: A decade review of media use, effects, and gratifications in emerging adulthood. Emerging Adulthood, 5(5), 440–455.

Crnic, K., & Low, C. (2002). Everyday stresses and parenting. In M. H. Bornstein (Ed.), Handbook of parenting: Vol. 5 Practical issues in parenting (pp. 243–267). Lawrence Erlbaum Associates.

Habib, C. (2012). The transition to fatherhood: A literature review exploring paternal involvement with identity theory. Journal of Family Studies, 18(2-3), 103–120.

Leerkes, E. M., & Burney, R. V. (2007). The development of parenting self‐evaluation: Contributions of adult attachment and maternal beliefs. Infant Mental Health Journal, 28(6), 618–636.

Mikolajczak, M., Gross, J. J., & Roskam, I. (2019). Parental burnout: What is it, and why does it matter? Clinical Psychological Science, 7(6), 1319–1329.

Neff, K. D., & Faso, D. J. (2015). Self-compassion and well-being in parents of children with autism. Mindfulness, 6(4), 938–947.

Nomaguchi, K., & Milkie, M. A. (2020). Parenthood and well-being: A decade in review. Journal of Marriage and Family, 82(1), 198–223.

Sacks, A. (2017). The birth of a mother. The New York Times.

Shapiro, A. F., Gottman, J. M., & Carrère, S. (2000). The baby and the marriage: Identifying factors that buffer against decline in marital satisfaction after the first baby arrives. Journal of Family Psychology, 14(1), 59–70.