Burnout is often discussed as a problem of overwork, but psychologically it is also a problem of depletion. The World Health Organization defines burnout as a syndrome resulting from chronic workplace stress that has not been successfully managed, characterized by exhaustion, increased mental distance or cynicism, and reduced professional efficacy. That definition matters because burnout is not just about being busy; it affects how people think, feel, and relate to others.

When people are burned out, they often feel emotionally thin, mentally fatigued, and less able to be present with the people around them. In that state, even supportive relationships can feel harder to access. Spending time in nature can support recovery by reducing stress, improving attention, and creating conditions that make connection easier. Getting outdoors can also improve mental health and cognitive functioning.

Nature helps the nervous system downshift

One reason nature may help with burnout is that it supports stress recovery. Burnout is closely tied to ongoing physiological and psychological strain, and people who are exhausted often have difficulty shifting out of a chronically activated state. Natural environments are associated with restorative effects on psycho-physiological stress, including improved emotional states and recovery from mental fatigue.

This helps explain why even modest forms of nature contact can feel meaningful. The benefit is not only that people “get outside,” but that natural settings may place fewer demands on already overloaded systems. For someone who has been operating in a constant state of urgency, overstimulation, or emotional labor, time in a park, a tree-lined neighborhood, or another green setting can provide a gentler context for recovery.

Nature can help restore depleted attention

Burnout does not only affect mood. It also affects concentration, mental clarity, and the ability to sustain effort. People often describe feeling foggy, distracted, or unable to think as clearly as they once did. Reviews of nature exposure suggest that natural environments may support cognitive restoration, including attention and mental functioning.

That kind of restoration matters relationally as well as individually. When attention is depleted, people are often less patient, less flexible, and less available for meaningful interaction. In other words, improving regulation and cognitive bandwidth may also improve a person’s capacity to respond to others with presence rather than irritation or withdrawal.

Burnout often narrows connection

One of the quieter effects of burnout is social constriction. Exhausted people may pull back, not because they do not care, but because they have less emotional energy available. Social connection, however, is one of the strongest protective factors for both mental and physical health. That makes the relationship between nature and connection especially important. If nature helps reduce stress and improve restoration, it may indirectly make relationships more accessible. But there is also evidence that green space itself can support social processes such as cohesion, belonging, and reduced loneliness.

Research on urban green space suggests that these environments can do more than improve individual mood. Positive interactions in urban green space can promote social cohesion, social capital, and health-promoting behaviors. Their work suggests that parks and green environments are not only restorative settings; they can also function as social infrastructure that supports community connection. Similarly, physical activity, social cohesion, and loneliness help explain the association between time spent visiting green space and better mental health and vitality, with loneliness identified as one of the strongest mediators. That does not mean every walk outdoors produces immediate closeness, but it does suggest that time in green spaces may help reduce some of the social and emotional barriers that often accompany burnout. A walk with a friend, sitting outside with a partner, a community garden, or even being around others in a park can create lower-pressure opportunities for co-regulation and belonging.

Nature is supportive, not sufficient

It is also important to be clear about limits. Burnout is not caused by a lack of outdoor time. It is often driven by chronic overload, low control, emotional labor, value conflict, and insufficient recovery. Nature-based strategies are best understood as supportive interventions, not substitutes for structural change. Maybe you need to leave a toxic workplace or reduce your overall work hours. With that said, small, repeatable forms of nature contact matter: taking a break outside, scheduling walking meetings, spending time in a nearby park, or intentionally pairing social connection with outdoor time.

Part of what makes nature meaningful in burnout recovery is that it offers a different pace. Burnout tends to flourish in environments of relentless demand and fragmented attention. Nature invites a slower rhythm: noticing, breathing, walking, resting, and reconnecting to the present moment. For many people, that shift does more than lower stress. It helps them feel more like themselves again. And when people feel more grounded, they are often more able to reach toward others. Nature may not solve burnout on its own, but it can support both restoration and reconnection.

Interested in some walk and talk therapy?

Contact drkatrina@kkjpsych.com

References
Berto, R. (2014). The role of nature in coping with psycho-physiological stress: A literature review on restorativeness. Behavioral Sciences, 4(4), 394–409. (PubMed)

Gritzka, S., MacIntyre, T. E., Dörfel, D., Baker-Blanchard, A., & Calogiuri, G. (2020). The effects of workplace nature-based interventions on the mental health and well-being of employees: A systematic review. Frontiers in Psychiatry, 11, 323. (Frontiers)

Holt-Lunstad, J. (2024). Social connection as a critical factor for mental and physical health: Evidence, trends, challenges, and future implications. World Psychiatry, 23(3), 313–332. (PMC)

Jennings, V., & Bamkole, O. (2019). The relationship between social cohesion and urban green space: An avenue for health promotion. International Journal of Environmental Research and Public Health, 16(3), 452. (PubMed)

Jimenez, M. P., DeVille, N. V., Elliott, E. G., Schiff, J. E., Wilt, G. E., Hart, J. E., & James, P. (2021). Associations between nature exposure and health: A review of the evidence. International Journal of Environmental Research and Public Health, 18(9), 4790. (PMC)

Menardo, E., Di Marco, D., Martoni, M., Palumbo, R., & Pasini, M. (2022). Nature and mindfulness to cope with work-related stress: A narrative review. International Journal of Environmental Research and Public Health, 19(11), 5948. (PubMed)

van den Berg, M. M., van Poppel, M., van Kamp, I., Ruijsbroek, A., Triguero-Mas, M., Gidlow, C., Nieuwenhuijsen, M. J., Gražulevičienė, R., van Mechelen, W., Kruize, H., & Maas, J. (2019). Do physical activity, social cohesion, and loneliness mediate the association between time spent visiting green space and mental health? Environment and Behavior, 51(2), 144–166. (PubMed)

World Health Organization. (2019). Burn-out an “occupational phenomenon”: International Classification of Diseases. (World Health Organization)

At the start of a year, it’s natural to think about what we want to change. Maybe we want to feel calmer, more connected, less reactive, or simply more like ourselves again. That’s where goal setting often comes in. But for many of us, goals can start to feel like pressure instead of support.

Incorporating mindfulness allows us to move forward in a gentle and intentional way.

Rather than asking, “What should I be doing differently?”, mindfulness encourages us to first ask, “What’s actually happening right now?” With these two questions, goals become less about fixing ourselves and more about caring for ourselves.

Mindfulness: Starting Where You Are

Mindfulness isn’t about clearing your mind or being calm all the time. It’s about noticing your thoughts, emotions, body sensations, and patterns without judgment.

This awareness matters because goals set without self-awareness often come from comparison, guilt, or exhaustion. Goals rooted in mindfulness tend to come from clarity and compassion.

Reframing Goals as Intentions

Traditional goal setting can be very focused on the end: do more, fix this, achieve that. A mindful approach shifts the focus to how we want to relate to ourselves along the way.

Instead of:
  “I need to stop being so anxious.”

Consider:
  “I want to build skills that help me respond to anxiety with more patience.”

These kinds of goals leave room for being human. They allow progress without perfection.

Small, Present-Moment Goals Count

Mindful goal setting values small, doable steps. Examples might include:

These goals meet you exactly where you are.

Moving Forward, Gently

When mindfulness and goal setting work together, growth becomes less about pushing and more about listening. Less about “becoming better,” and more about becoming more present, more intentional, and more kind with yourself.

You don’t have to do it all. You don’t have to do it perfectly. You just have to notice and move intentionally from there.

If you’re interested in learning more about mindfulness, goal setting, and the relationship between the two, reach out to us at The Purpose Center!  Email kaytie@kkjpsych.com.

References
Hayes, S. C., Strosahl, K. D., & Wilson, K. G. (2012). Acceptance and Commitment Therapy: The process and practice of mindful change (2nd ed.). New York, NY: Guilford Press.

Locke, E. A., & Latham, G. P. (2002). Building a practically useful theory of goal setting and task motivation. American Psychologist, 57(9), 705–717.

Segal, Z. V., Williams, J. M. G., & Teasdale, J. D. (2013). Mindfulness-based cognitive therapy for depression (2nd ed.). New York, NY: Guilford Press

Have you struggled with inattention or hyperactivity? Maybe you always forget where you last left your keys, or you never seem to be able to comfortably sit still. According to the CDC, in the United States, an estimated 15.5 million adults were diagnosed with Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder (AD/HD) in 2023. AD/HD is common and knowing you have it can help you get resources and learn to handle its symptoms.

Definition:

Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity disorder (AD/HD) is a developmental disorder, as symptoms begin in childhood. It is defined by patterns of inattention and/or hyperactivity/impulsivity that make it hard to function normally. Inattention is defined by: difficulty paying attention, staying organized, and focusing on the right task. Hyperactivity is defined by: excessive activity and restlessness. Impulsivity is defined by: acting without thinking and trouble with self-control. Based on which symptoms someone experiences, you could be diagnosed with one of three types of AD/HD: inattentive, hyperactive-impulsive, or combined. ADD is NOT a diagnosis although it is used colloquially to describe inattentive type.

If you think you struggle with inattention, pay attention to these symptoms within the last 6 months:

If you have five of these symptoms (6 are needed for kids) you may have AD/HD, specifically with hyperactive/impulsive presentation.

If you have 5 or more symptoms of both inattention and hyperactivity, you have what’s called a combined presentation of AD/HD. Other criteria for the disorder include: symptoms were present before age 12, several symptoms are present in at least two settings, and your symptoms interfere with your ‘functioning’. Your functioning can include your academic career, personal life, social life, or your work life.

What Mimics it:

There are many mental disorders and medical conditions that have symptoms that overlap with signs of AD/HD. This includes anxiety and Bipolar Disorder, both which can cause sleep troubles, and some personality disorders, which can include impulsive behavior. Health conditions such as hypothyroidism can cause brain fog, trouble focusing, and sleeping. Mood disorders such as depression can have similar symptoms with difficulty staying focused. Substance use, dehydration, and sleep disorders should also be considered since they have similar symptoms.

Problems it can cause for adults:

Adults with AD/HD typically have a history of poor academic performance, work difficulties, or strained relationships. They can also find it challenging to stay organized, keep appointments and jobs, or perform daily tasks / large projects.

Recommendations:

Finding a way to live with AD/HD will take time to determine what works best for you. Common treatments include medication, psychoeducation, training your skills, and counseling. Combining a few of these treatment choices is usually the most effective.

If you or someone you know may be struggling with AD/HD, reach out to kaytie@kkjpsych.com and schedule an appointment with The Purpose Center today.

Resources:

Online Resources:
1. CHADD (Children and Adults with Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder):
a. Website: https://www.chadd.org
b. Resources, support groups, and educational materials made for adults

2. ADDA (Attention Deficit Disorder Association):
a. Website: https://add.org
b. Webinars, articles, support groups, and online community for resources / networking

3. ADHD Coaches Organization (ACO):
a. https://www.adhdcoaches.org
b. List of ADHD coaches and resources for adults to manage symptoms and improve life skills

4. MyADHD:
a. Website: https://www.myadhd.com
b. Articles, tools, and tips for managing daily life with ADHD

Books:
1. “Driven to Distraction” by Edward M. Hallowell and John J. Ratey:
2. “You, Mean I’m Not Lazy, Stupid or Crazy?!" by Kate Kelly and Peggy Ramundo:
3. “ADHD 2.0" by Edward M. Hallowell and John J. Ratey
4. “What Does Everybody Else Know That I Don't?” by Michele Novotni
5. “Taking Charge of Adult ADHD 1st Edition” by Russell A. Barkley
6. “The Smart but Scattered Guide to Success: How to Use Your Brain's Executive Skills to Keep Up, Stay Calm, and Get Organized at Work and at Home” by Peg Dawson, Richard Guare
7. “Adult ADD: A Guide for the Newly Diagnosed (The New Harbinger Guides for the Newly Diagnosed Series)” by Stephanie Moulton Sarkis PhD, Patricia O. Quinn MD
8. “How to ADHD: From Surviving to Thriving" by Jessica McCabe
9. “The Comprehensive Guide to ADHD: Strategies and Solutions for Adults" by Michael A. Russo”
10. “Adult ADHD: How to Succeed as a Hunter in a Farmer's World" by Jeff Copper
11. “The Adult ADHD Toolkit: A Comprehensive Guide for Busy Adults" by Dr. J. D. Lichtenstein
12. “The Gift of Adult ADHD: How to Turn Your Challenges into Strengths" by Dr. Marla D. Dwyer
13. "ADHD and the Gig Economy: Thrive in Your Career with Neurodiversity" by Jessica F. E. Barker

Support Groups:
1. Meetup.com: Local ADHD support groups for adults in your area that host regular meetings for sharing experiences and strategies.
2. ADHD Support Groups on Facebook: There are groups on Facebook dedicated to adult ADHD where members share strategies, experiences, and support each other.

Apps:
1. ADHD Organizer Apps: Apps like Todoist and Trello can help manage tasks, set reminders, and stay organized.
2. Mindfulness Apps: Consider apps like Headspace or Calm to develop mindfulness techniques that can help with focus and relaxation.
3. Pomodoro Timer Apps: Apps like Focus Keeper can help break tasks into manageable intervals for better focus

Sources:
https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/publications/adhd-what-you-need-to-know
https://www.healthline.com/health/adhd/adult-adhd#disorganization
https://www.webmd.com/add-adhd/misdiagnosed-adhd-conditions-with-overlapping-symptoms

It’s heartbreaking and stressful when your child resists going to school. Maybe they dread mornings, say they feel sick, or seem engulfed by worry. You want to help - but often feel stuck, frustrated, maybe even helpless. You are not alone. There’s a team of people who are ready and willing to support you and your family!

School refusal is more common than people think, and there are multiple ways forward.

What Is School Refusal & Why It Happens

School refusal (or school avoidance) isn’t simply “being stubborn” or “acting out.” According to the American Academy of Family Physicians, often it’s driven by underlying anxiety, fears (social, separation, bullying), sensory overload, learning difficulties, or other emotional or physical discomforts. It can be difficult to pinpoint the exact cause, but what is easy to see is the impact it has on your child, and the strain it can cause in your home.

So, what can I do?

1. Listen to understand. Talk to your child coming from a place of curiosity rather than accusation. Be mindful of inadvertently invalidating their experience by saying things like, “You don’t have anything to be worried about” “You’ve always loved going to school” “You don’t have anything to complain about.” Don’t assume you know the answer or try to fill in the blanks on your own- give them space to share their experience without feeling ashamed. Try asking, “What feels hardest about school right now?” “How do you feel when you’re going to bed the night before school?” “What thoughts are you having while you’re at school?”

2. Create clear expectations and consistency. Kids crave predictability and stability because that equals safety and decreases the likelihood of anxiety. Sometimes parents- in an effort to accommodate- say “Would you like to go to school today?” presenting it as an option. This leads to a power struggle because the child feels they have a choice. Rather saying, “I understand school feels difficult for you right now, and we are going to work together to get you to school today.” You can be both compassionate and assertive.

3. Seek support from mental health professionals, your pediatrician, and- most importantly- the school! There are so many people who can help you and your family during this time, so you don’t have to try and navigate this on your own. Reach out to us at The Purpose Center if you’re struggling with school refusal in your home- we’re here to help!

4. Show yourself some grace! You are NOT failing by asking for support.

Recognizing that parenting is hard is a sign of self-awareness, not failure. Parents who practice self-compassion, realistic expectations, and seek support are more resilient and better able to nurture both themselves and their children (Mikolajczak et al., 2019; Neff & Faso, 2015).

Interested in some extra support? Contact kaytie@kkjpsych.com.

References:
School Refusal in Children and Adolescents | AAFP

4 Strategies When Your Child Refuses to Go to School | Anxiety and Depression Association of America, ADAA

Oftentimes when we find ourselves stuck at a crossroads, we hear the familiar phrase to “go with your gut”. But what even is our gut and what does research show about trusting our gut?

Our gut is our intuition, and it is connected to our self-awareness. Think of trusting your gut as a sixth sense. One study actually found that individuals who follow their gut are more likely to morally do the right thing (Ward & King, 2018). A scientific study investigating this sense of intuition involved the use of an Iowa Gambling Task. Participants in the study were able to form a hunch around which decks were more profitable after about 40 attempts. It seems their mind noticed patterns regarding their wins and losses. The study saw changes in heartbeat and sweating when participants approached riskier decks which could underlie their “gut” feeling. Using one’s intuition is especially helpful when we are processing a large volume of complex information. We may benefit more often when using our unconscious mind/our gut to guide our decisions. It is also good for the need to make quick decisions or regarding decisions around leisure activities. Recent research has also shown that a person’s emotional intelligence may directly influence the quality of their gut instincts (Robson, 2022). Emotional intelligence may be tied to our ability to make good intuitive decisions. However, your gut can be skewed by traumatic events or mislabeled circumstances.

People often struggle with knowing when to trust their intuition versus when to rely on hard facts. Following your gut can feel natural, and as previously explained, is often beneficial. However, intuition isn’t always reliable as it is shaped by emotions, past experiences, and subconscious biases. While listening to your gut can be helpful for quick decisions, an article by Taylor Karl (2025) suggests that it may be more beneficial to rely on data when making big decisions, developing business plans, or requiring measurable outcomes, as data offers clear, objective insights.

Additionally, you may consider ignoring your intuition when it is clear it doesn’t have your best interests in mind, or it may lead to an impulsive decision. Dr. Alex Curmi (2025) suggests that intuition can be especially damaging for people with high levels of anxiety as it can give their anxiety more power. In these instances, trusting your gut can force you to stay within your comfort zone, which is not always a positive thing as this can hinder personal growth. This isn’t to say you should never trust your gut, but it is important to learn what is worth trusting and what is worth pushing through. Ultimately, the key is to find a balance between trusting your gut and relying on the evidence provided by the data. Want some help making a big decision, we’re here to help. Contact kaytie@kkjpsych.com to find out about how we can help.



Sources:

Curmi, A. (2025). The big idea: Should you trust your gut?. The Guardian.
https://www.theguardian.com/books/2025/mar/31/the-big-idea-should-you-trust-your-gut

Karl, T. (2025). Making smarter decisions: The magic mix of instinct and data. New Horizons.
https://www.newhorizons.com/resources/blog/making-smarter-decisions

Robson, D. (2022, April 5). Intuition: When is it right to trust your gut instincts?. BBC News.
https://www.bbc.com/worklife/article/20220401-intuition-when-is-it-right-to-trust-your-gut-instincts

Ward, S. J., & King, L. A. (2018). Individual differences in reliance on intuition predict harsher moral judgments. Journal of personality and social psychology, 114(5), 825–849.
https://doi.org/10.1037/pspp0000153

Somatic Experiencing® (SE TM ) is a body-based form of therapy developed by Dr. Peter Levine, author of Waking the Tiger and In an Unspoken Voice. It was developed to help people heal from trauma, shock, and chronic stress. Unlike traditional talk therapy, which usually works from the “top down” by starting with thoughts, SE works “bottom up,” beginning with the body to help restore regulation in the nervous system and support mental health.

Where SE is Practiced
SE is used in many professional settings, including psychotherapy, bodywork, medicine, coaching, and physical therapy. Sessions vary depending on the practitioner’s scope of practice. Some SE work is done through dialogue alone, while others may incorporate touch as part of the process.

Types of Trauma SE Can Address
Somatic Experiencing can be helpful for a wide range of experiences, including:

How SE works:

At its core, SE is about collaborating with the nervous system’s innate self-regulatory capacity. The central focus of SE is creating the conditions that allow the body to do what it’s naturally designed to do: complete and integrate overwhelming experiences; move through activation, and return to settling.

For many people, SE can help reduce symptoms of PTSD and chronic stress. Even when symptoms remain, it often changes how we relate to them—making symptoms feel less overwhelming and easier to live with. Beyond symptom relief, many notice shifts such as feeling more connected to themselves, to others, to nature, and to their environment. SE can also support the restoration of healthy aggression and healthy boundaries, a greater ability to feel “safe enough” more often, the capacity to experience moments of rest and relaxation, and more resilience in meeting the ups and downs of life.

To learn more about SE, you can read the extended blog post here.

About the Author
Audrey Burke, LMBT NC #22197, SEP, CYT-200

Audrey Burke, owner of Restorative Presence, is a licensed massage and bodywork therapist and Somatic Experiencing Practitioner based in Durham, NC. She specializes in trauma-informed somatic work, including Somatic Experiencing ® and Transforming Touch ® , with a focus on supporting people healing from developmental trauma, shock trauma, and chronic nervous system dysregulation.

Disclaimer: This blog is for educational and informational purposes only and is not intended as medical or psychological advice.

Accelerated Resolution Therapy (ART) and Trauma

Enter Accelerated Resolution Therapy (ART)

In March 2025, I stumbled upon this treatment modality by accident (or was it fate?). A friend of mine, who has practiced Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) therapy for a while, was having a similar experience; treatment was just not helping certain people enough. Her office provided ART training sessions, which I attended with open skepticism. The first day of training was primarily theoretical, and I felt like I was getting some answers to ease my skepticism. The biggest turning point, however, was the first experiential day.

For something like ART, I understand how critical it is to practice it, and experience it, in order to fully understand and support the practice.

Having been in a car accident around the age of five, I have struggled with having my blood drawn almost my entire life. It hasn’t quite reached the level of a phobia, but I’ve always had a very strong anxious physical response when getting my blood drawn. And, while I’ve talked about it, nothing has ever really shifted this for me (though to be fair, I’ve not done exposure therapy prior to this). I am cured….WHAT?! What do I mean by that? Getting my blood drawn is still not fun, but ART has helped me have less intense physical reactions to this procedure (and other medical appointments, too).

ART utilizes eye movements and exposure through visualization to reduce physiological reactivity, which is often very difficult for people to ‘get over.’ It replaces negative images (similar to what people experience as flashbacks and nightmares) with positive images and a new perspective. It really is powerful, and there is a growing body of research that supports the use of ART for a variety of traumatic experiences and phobias, in addition to other concerns. You can learn more about ART here. I’m excited to use this treatment with my current and new clients who have struggled to get past a certain point in their treatment, who don’t really want to talk anymore, or who have strong physiological responses that they just can’t shake.

Interested? Reach out to me at drkatrina@kkjpsych.com.

Boundary Setting in Toxic Parental and Romantic Partnerships

Boundaries are essential for healthy relationships. They help us define where we end and others begin, protecting our emotional, physical, and psychological well-being. In supportive families and partnerships, boundaries are respected and flexible enough to allow closeness and individuality. But when relationships become toxic—whether with a parent or a romantic partner—boundary setting becomes both more challenging and more crucial.

What Makes a Relationship “Toxic”?

A toxic dynamic often involves patterns of control, manipulation, blame-shifting, or disrespect. These relationships may leave you feeling drained, anxious, or guilty.

Toxicity can show up in many ways:

Attachment research (Bowlby, 1969; Ainsworth, 1978) helps us understand why we may tolerate such behaviors—our need for connection can sometimes override our sense of self-protection, especially if insecure attachment patterns were formed in childhood.

Why Boundaries Are Hard to Set in Toxic Relationships

Many people hesitate to set boundaries with parents or partners because of:

Principles of Healthy Boundary Setting

1. Clarify Your Limits
Family systems theory emphasizes the importance of differentiation - the ability to stay connected while also maintaining individuality (Bowen, 1978). Identifying what behaviors cross the line for you is the first step in protecting your well-being.

2. Use Clear, Direct Communication
Healthy communication is essential. Gottman’s research on couples shows that criticism, defensiveness, contempt, and stonewalling are destructive patterns; boundary setting offers a corrective by focusing on clear requests instead of escalation.

Examples:

3. Follow Through Consistently
A boundary without action is only a wish. Consistency signals self-respect and teaches others how to treat you.

4. Expect Resistance
Brené Brown notes that “daring to set boundaries is about having the courage to love ourselves, even when we risk disappointing others.” Resistance often signals that a toxic pattern is being disrupted.

5. Protect Your Emotional Energy
In cases of repeated violation, reducing contact—or even going “low contact” or “no contact”—may be necessary for self-preservation. Codependency research (Beattie, 1987) highlights how breaking cycles of self-sacrifice is vital to recovery and healing.

When the Relationship Is a Parent

Parental boundaries can feel especially complicated. Many adult children experience loyalty binds, believing they must tolerate harmful behavior out of obligation. But healthy parent-child relationships in adulthood should allow autonomy, privacy, and mutual respect.

When the Relationship Is Romantic

In romantic relationships, boundary violations can sometimes escalate into emotional or physical abuse. When partners repeatedly ignore limits, it signals a lack of safety. Research from Emotionally Focused Therapy (Johnson, 2008) shows that secure bonds are built on respect for both closeness and individuality - ignoring boundaries undermines both.

The Role of Therapy

Therapy can provide the safety and guidance to practice boundary setting. Individual therapy, family, or couples therapy may help you:

If you find yourself struggling to maintain healthy boundaries with a parent or partner, you don’t have to do this alone. Therapy offers support and evidence-based strategies to help you protect your peace, reconnect with your values, and create healthier relationships. Your needs matter, and honoring them is not selfish - it’s essential. Interested? Contact kaytie@kkjpsych.com.

Relationship Ambivalence: Torn Between Staying and Leaving

One of the most painful places to be in a relationship is not in love—or out of love—but stuck somewhere in between. Relationship ambivalence is the experience of being deeply uncertain about whether to stay or go. You may find yourself going back and forth daily, even hourly, weighing the positives against the negatives. This state of indecision can be emotionally exhausting, and it often leaves people feeling paralyzed.

Mira Kirshenbaum’s book, Too Good to Leave, Too Bad to Stay, offers a compassionate framework for navigating this dilemma. Rather than pushing for either reconciliation or separation, she invites people to carefully assess the health of their relationship by asking a series of guiding questions. These questions help clarify whether the relationship is fundamentally viable—or whether the struggles point to deeper incompatibilities.

Why Ambivalence Feels So Heavy

Ambivalence in relationships doesn’t necessarily mean failure. Many people experience moments of doubt in long-term partnerships. But when uncertainty becomes chronic, it can erode trust, intimacy, and self-esteem.

Kirshenbaum reminds us that clarity often comes not from endless “pros and cons” lists, but from deeper reflection. Some questions to consider include:

These questions can reveal whether ambivalence is rooted in temporary struggles - or in fundamental misalignment.

How Do You Know When the Relationship Might Be Salvageable?

Whether you feel stuck around ‘superficial’ conflict or disagreements about values, intimacy, or lifestyle, there are many approaches that can help partners break out of painful cycles and rebuild a sense of connection and safety.

These approaches remind us that ambivalence does not always mean the end. Sometimes it signals the need for repair, growth, and deeper understanding.

The Cost of Staying Stuck

Remaining in chronic uncertainty without movement toward clarity or repair takes a toll. Anxiety, sadness, lack of focus, and physical stress are common. Even if not spoken aloud, children often sense the tension. Doing nothing is itself a choice - one that prolongs pain.

Moving Toward Clarity

If you are struggling with whether to stay or leave, there are supportive paths forward:

Ambivalence is painful, but it can also be a turning point.

You don’t have to go through this alone. Whether you choose to work toward repair or make the difficult decision to part, support is available to help you navigate the journey with clarity and compassion. If you find yourself torn between staying and leaving, I invite you to reach out. Together, we can explore your options and help you move from uncertainty to empowerment - toward a future that feels more authentic, connected, and hopeful.

Interested? Contact drkatrina@kkjpsych.com.

Parenting is one of life’s most rewarding experiences—but it’s also one of the hardest. Many parents feel overwhelmed by the emotional, physical, and social demands of raising children. Understanding why parenting is challenging can normalize these struggles and provide strategies to make the journey more manageable (Nomaguchi & Milkie, 2020).

Why Parenting Feels So Hard

1. Constant Responsibility

2. Emotional Intensity

3. Lack of Clear Guidance

4. Identity Shifts

5. Relationship Strains

6. External Pressures and Social Comparisons

7. Limited Support Systems

How to Build Resilience and Hope

Well, that was depressing! Parenting is demanding, but research-backed strategies can help reduce stress and increase coping:

Finding Compassion and Support

Recognizing that parenting is hard is a sign of self-awareness, not failure. Parents who practice self-compassion, realistic expectations, and seek support are more resilient and better able to nurture both themselves and their children (Mikolajczak et al., 2019; Neff & Faso, 2015).

Need some help? Contact kaytie@kkjpsych.com.

References:
Coyne, S. M., Padilla-Walker, L. M., & Howard, E. (2017). Emerging in a digital world: A decade review of media use, effects, and gratifications in emerging adulthood. Emerging Adulthood, 5(5), 440–455.

Crnic, K., & Low, C. (2002). Everyday stresses and parenting. In M. H. Bornstein (Ed.), Handbook of parenting: Vol. 5 Practical issues in parenting (pp. 243–267). Lawrence Erlbaum Associates.

Habib, C. (2012). The transition to fatherhood: A literature review exploring paternal involvement with identity theory. Journal of Family Studies, 18(2-3), 103–120.

Leerkes, E. M., & Burney, R. V. (2007). The development of parenting self‐evaluation: Contributions of adult attachment and maternal beliefs. Infant Mental Health Journal, 28(6), 618–636.

Mikolajczak, M., Gross, J. J., & Roskam, I. (2019). Parental burnout: What is it, and why does it matter? Clinical Psychological Science, 7(6), 1319–1329.

Neff, K. D., & Faso, D. J. (2015). Self-compassion and well-being in parents of children with autism. Mindfulness, 6(4), 938–947.

Nomaguchi, K., & Milkie, M. A. (2020). Parenthood and well-being: A decade in review. Journal of Marriage and Family, 82(1), 198–223.

Sacks, A. (2017). The birth of a mother. The New York Times.

Shapiro, A. F., Gottman, J. M., & Carrère, S. (2000). The baby and the marriage: Identifying factors that buffer against decline in marital satisfaction after the first baby arrives. Journal of Family Psychology, 14(1), 59–70.