Why Parenting Is So Hard: The Hidden Challenges Behind Raising Children

August 31

All, Parenting Tips, Relationships

Why Parenting Is So Hard: The Hidden Challenges Behind Raising Children

Parenting is one of life’s most rewarding experiences—but it’s also one of the hardest. Many parents feel overwhelmed by the emotional, physical, and social demands of raising children. Understanding why parenting is challenging can normalize these struggles and provide strategies to make the journey more manageable (Nomaguchi & Milkie, 2020).

Why Parenting Feels So Hard

1. Constant Responsibility

  • Children need attention 24/7, especially in early childhood.
  • Parents often juggle work, household tasks, and caregiving simultaneously.
  • Parents experience higher daily stress compared to non-parents (Nomaguchi & Milkie, 2020).

2. Emotional Intensity

  • Parents feel deeply responsible for protecting and guiding their children.
  • Challenges like tantrums, school struggles, or behavioral issues can feel personal.
  • Parental burnout is linked to exhaustion, emotional distancing, and feelings of inadequacy (Mikolajczak, Gross, & Roskam, 2019; Leerkes & Burney, 2007).

3. Lack of Clear Guidance

  • There is no universal “right way” to parent.
  • What works for one child may fail for another, increasing self-doubt.
  • Role ambiguity and inconsistent expectations raise parenting stress (Crnic & Low, 2002).

4. Identity Shifts

  • Parenthood reshapes identity, requiring adjustment and renegotiation of priorities.
  • Mothers experience matrescence; fathers adjust caregiving roles within traditional masculinity (Sacks, 2017; Habib, 2012).
  • Successful identity adjustment reduces stress and supports well-being (Leerkes & Burney, 2007).

5. Relationship Strains

  • Division of labor, discipline differences, and sleepless nights can create conflict.
  • Two-thirds of couples report declines in relationship satisfaction after the first child, though mutual support can buffer these effects (Shapiro, Gottman, & Carrère, 2000; Crnic & Low, 2002).

6. External Pressures and Social Comparisons

  • Social media amplifies comparisons with “perfect” families.
  • Parental social media use is linked to increased stress and guilt (Coyne, Padilla-Walker, & Howard, 2017).
  • Societal expectations often exceed available support, adding pressure (Nomaguchi & Milkie, 2020).

7. Limited Support Systems

  • Modern parents often raise children in isolation without extended family or community help.
  • Lack of childcare, family leave, and community resources increases stress (Nomaguchi & Milkie, 2020; Crnic & Low, 2002).

How to Build Resilience and Hope

Well, that was depressing! Parenting is demanding, but research-backed strategies can help reduce stress and increase coping:

  • Practice Self-Compassion: Accepting imperfection and treating yourself kindly is linked to lower stress and better emotional well-being (Neff & Faso, 2015).
  • Set Realistic Expectations: Aim for “good enough” parenting instead of perfection (Mikolajczak et al., 2019).
  • Seek Social Support: Family, friends, and parent groups can provide both practical help and emotional validation (Leerkes & Burney, 2007).
  • Prioritize Self-Care: Even small breaks or mindful breathing moments improve resilience (Crnic & Low, 2002).
  • Professional Guidance: Parenting workshops, therapy, or counseling can enhance coping skills (Nomaguchi & Milkie, 2020).
  • Celebrate Small Wins: Acknowledge when things go well, not just challenges.

Finding Compassion and Support

Recognizing that parenting is hard is a sign of self-awareness, not failure. Parents who practice self-compassion, realistic expectations, and seek support are more resilient and better able to nurture both themselves and their children (Mikolajczak et al., 2019; Neff & Faso, 2015).

Need some help? Contact kaytie@kkjpsych.com.

References:
Coyne, S. M., Padilla-Walker, L. M., & Howard, E. (2017). Emerging in a digital world: A decade review of media use, effects, and gratifications in emerging adulthood. Emerging Adulthood, 5(5), 440–455.

Crnic, K., & Low, C. (2002). Everyday stresses and parenting. In M. H. Bornstein (Ed.), Handbook of parenting: Vol. 5 Practical issues in parenting (pp. 243–267). Lawrence Erlbaum Associates.

Habib, C. (2012). The transition to fatherhood: A literature review exploring paternal involvement with identity theory. Journal of Family Studies, 18(2-3), 103–120.

Leerkes, E. M., & Burney, R. V. (2007). The development of parenting self‐evaluation: Contributions of adult attachment and maternal beliefs. Infant Mental Health Journal, 28(6), 618–636.

Mikolajczak, M., Gross, J. J., & Roskam, I. (2019). Parental burnout: What is it, and why does it matter? Clinical Psychological Science, 7(6), 1319–1329.

Neff, K. D., & Faso, D. J. (2015). Self-compassion and well-being in parents of children with autism. Mindfulness, 6(4), 938–947.

Nomaguchi, K., & Milkie, M. A. (2020). Parenthood and well-being: A decade in review. Journal of Marriage and Family, 82(1), 198–223.

Sacks, A. (2017). The birth of a mother. The New York Times.

Shapiro, A. F., Gottman, J. M., & Carrère, S. (2000). The baby and the marriage: Identifying factors that buffer against decline in marital satisfaction after the first baby arrives. Journal of Family Psychology, 14(1), 59–70.

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